How to Piss Off Your Teething Baby in 5 Easy Steps

1. Take longer than 2 seconds from baby's first cry to you stumbling half-asleep to his aid. 

2. Then have the AUDACITY to change his diaper. 

3. Somehow offend further by trying to make a bottle one handed while baby screams in your face and a small, slobbery fist beats against your chest. But only one fist because you're currently transitioning out of swaddling and you're stuck in the one-arm-out stage. 

4. Outrage your child by flinching away when the baby bites your cheek with his newly cut, and surprisingly sharp teeth. Bonus points if you try to stop making the bottle to wipe away spit (or blood??). 

5. When baby falls back to sleep in your arms while feeding have the absolutely insane idea that you might be able to lay baby back in his crib. When he wakes, feel his wrath which he is channeling from a thousand Nordic gods. 

Repeat until teeth have been fully cut.