This post is nonsense. But a little nonsense is good on a Friday.
I've been reading A LOT of blogs recently to educate myself on the world that I just entered. The blogging/Vlogging world that is. And here's my conclusion; a whole lot of people think you're stupid.
That's right, you heard me. There are a whole big bunch of websites out there that think if their title falls into one of the five categories below then you will be irresistibly drawn to them. Like a moth to flame, you will be powerless to resist. But you're smart. I know that, you know that, so why do these work? Let's make them work a little harder to sell ad space to celebritiesbutts.com.
But seriously, not a day goes by that I don't find myself scrolling past these 5 blogs/Vlogs on my Facebook newsfeed. They're blatantly click-bait and I dislike them immensely and we should all stop clicking on them.
1. "_____Number of Things That All Successful Couples Do."
This one really irks me. First of all, there is always a picture of an extremely young couple on a bed in their underwear. I can't help but think, "you've been married like two seconds. Shut up." I don't want someone two miles into a marathon telling me about endurance. I want advice from the person cruising over the finish line. Where are the blogs by couples who have been married 50+ years? That's the one I would read. And another thing. Why are they always in bed in their underwear? Is that all it takes to be successful in love? Because if it is, I'm in. Josh and I will now be living in our bed. Please bring us food. And our baby. And a bathroom. And someone to remove Josh's body after I kill him. I'm assuming I'll kill him before he kills me because I once had a philosophy teacher tell me I was capable of murder in front of our class and it was strangely refreshing. My first thought was, "Ah, yes. Someone finally sees past my size to my true potential." All I need is to be trapped in a 9ftx4.5ft space for that crazy to leak out. And to be perpetually in my underwear.
2. "____Number of Things They didn't Tell Me About_____"
Pregnancy. Marriage. College. Your first interview. There is always a blog about all the things "they" never tell you about a random life event. Who is "they"? How are "they" failing you so horribly? Oh, so you weren't totally prepared for that brand new thing you've never experienced before? That's awful. "They" really suck.
3. "They Just Did Something Weird and What Happens Next Is Amazing."
The thing is- this works on me. It totally does. I want to see what happens when that guy puts his mail in the microwave or what an egg looks like cracked underwater. I don't want to click on the link and allow you to sell more adds but I do. And then it makes me mad because there are so many buttons that say 'play' but actually take you to different pages and I never actually get to see the world's largest catfish.
4. "The Judges on This Talent Show Didn't Care But What Happened Next Is Amazing"
I realize that this is very similar to #3 but the sheer number of these posts out there made me make it it's own category. Normally these involve young children which makes me cringe even more. Do we really need more Justin Biebers? Cause that's how you get a Justin Bieber. However, there is one exception to this category. I saw a video once of this kinda heavy set teenage guy singing opera with this pretty blonde teenage girl. And she was okayish but he was remarkable so the judges were all like, "ditch the chick and you'll go far". But he was all like, "No, she gives me courage to do this and I also love her". And you could tell she had no idea, and the audience and judges went crazy, and I was just like, "wow, he straight-up Peeta Melarked it". THAT was genuinely amazing.
5. "I'm Going To Title My Blog Post With A Controversial Statement But My Post Will Explain Why I Don't Actually Believe That Statement."
Example: "Why I'm Not Going To Stay Pure Until Marriage." written by a Christian author who then goes on to explain how they won't lose their purity by having sex after they're married so they aren't technically staying pure until marriage as they will still be pure after marriage. Thank you for that insight. It's interesting. But your title is misleading and was clever the first time but now EVERYONE does it so please stop.
So, there you go. Let's stop clicking on these gimmicky blogs and maybe the authors will put more effort into getting you to their site. Maybe.
I'm still upset about that catfish. That thing looked huge.
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