My Birchbox finally came!!

Hello lovely (and handsome) readers!

Okay, So I really wanted to try Birchbox this month (mostly so I could compare it to the Ipsy subscription that I've been getting for year and some change) and IT FINALLY CAME! Talk about gooood timing! I didn't want to wait to do a unboxing video because I'm incredibly impatient but since it showed up right before nap time I didn't have to!

Her'e a video of me opening it! Enjoy.

Get you're own Birchbox here. Also, here's a list of what I got if you're interested! 

No More Sick Days in the Trenches

This Real Motherhood Moment is brought to you by water proof mascara, yoga pants and grumpy babies. 

Well, I'm in the trenches today. Combine a sick baby, a sick momma, PMS and sudden wave of generalized anxiety and you get the above picture. Imagine it as a little snapshot of my day, which has kinda sucked. 

I'm not going to lie; today is not a sunshine-and-roses, I'll-laugh-about-it-later, keep-calm-and-carry-on kinda day. It's a heavy, deep-dark, soul stretching, spirit draining, Jesus-be-my-strength kinda day. To be totally honest, sometimes motherhood feels like a cage that I can't escape. I love my son, fiercely. There aren't words that could adequately capture how precious a gift he is to me. Or how thankful I am that he crashed into our family and sent my life on a different trajectory than I had expected.  But sometimes the sheer weight of someone needing me every moment is so suffocating. Sometimes I sigh and imagine the career I was about to launch. 

Lately I've found myself waking up and longing for those good old college days.  Normally this is while I'm making a bottle at 5am. Those sweet, wonderful, college days where I only had to take care of me, myself and I. Where I pursued nothing but education and relationships and God. Where anything and everything was seemingly possible. Where I could stay in bed if I was sick and turn off my phone and binge watch The Office on my parent's Netflix account. 

Nostalgia, I've decided, is a fickle drug. 

How easily do I forget how difficult those days were, when I selfishly only cared about me, myself and I. How can I long for the days during which I almost threw away my relationship with Josh and, more importantly, God.  Those four years were some of the darkest of my life. I could stay in bed, sure, but how can I forget how often it seemed impossible to get out of that bed. I was in the middle of some pretty serious bouts of anxiety and depression. And I was on the threshold of treating a physical illness I had lived with, unwittingly, my whole life. An illness that would only, miraculously, be healed by giving birth to my son.

Nostalgia makes light of the past and skips over the pain of it. The truth is we all have days in the trenches, that doesn't change. God gives us the strength to fight the darkness at whatever stage of life we're in. 

When I think about it with a clear mind. I wouldn't trade the struggles of today for the struggles of yesterday. The joys of today are far better, far richer, than the joys of the past. Today is difficult, but it. Is. Worth. It. 

So, if there are some other mommas, students, wives, husbands, friends out there that are having a bad day, I totally feel you. I'll pray for you and you pray for me. I found that prayer and love is all that you really can hold onto when you're in the trenches. 

Ipsy Glam Bag Review

Hey Guys! Here's my first ever, totally low-quality, video review of the Ipsy Glam Bag. Please excuse my light falling over mid-way. In retrospect, I shouldn't have balanced it on my make-up brushes.....Somewhere Husband Josh just died a little bit (he's a videographer).  I'm totally posting this before Husband Josh can come home and start lecturing me about the RULE OF THIRDS or something like that. Enjoy!

Here's the link to get you're very own Ipsy Glam Bag every month! 

P.S. I'm totally unaffiliated with them. Just a fan. 

Security!

So, somone suggested I remove my son's name from this site to protect his identity from my readers. At first I was all, "I'm pretty sure my mom knows his name." But, upon having a few HUNDRED people read my last blog post I'm going to do it. It kinda freaked me out knowing that many people read my blog. Also, spellcheck. It's happening and it's gonna be big. 

So, if you see some posts have been edited that's why. Also, I'm going to still refer to Husband Josh as Husband Josh because he's an adult. My son will now be referred to as Tiny Dictator, or Baby Bear from here on out. 

That's all! Happy Wednesday!!

8 Products to Hide Behind When You Can't Shower

I've learned a lot in the last year, which I lovingly refer to as my debut into motherhood. I've learned that it's okay for my child to express emotion other than joy. I've learned that baby puke can be rubbed into almost any fabric. And I've learned how long I can go without a shower before I can no longer leave my house.

It's a sad fact that all mom's know well; you're ability to bathe is entirely dependent on the whim of your baby or the availability of another functioning adult. I can't count the number of times I was depending on a 5 minute shower during that ever fickle morning nap only to be disappointed.  But disappointment doesn't mean you can miss that doctor's appointment or laddies lunch so I've learned to adapt with the help of these ten tried and true beauty products. So here they are! My not so dirty little secrets. 

8 Products to Hide Behind When You Can't Shower

 1. Baby wipes

I'm not ever kidding. These are great for freshening up while the little one is attached to your thigh and demanding more goldfish crackers. I mean, you use them to quickly clean your kid all day, everyday so why no extend the favor to yourself.  Get them, well, anywhere. 

2. Bed Head Rockaholic Dirty Little Secret Dry Shampoo

This brand is the BEST dry shampoo I have tried. I have pretty sensitive skin and often the powders and fragrances in dry shampoos irritate me all day. But not with this bad boy! My bottle is currently empty and I'm in serious need. You can find this brand for the best price here. It's worth every penny. 

3. Mary Kay Timewise Matte-Wear liquid foundation

This is my all-time favorite liquid foundation for a number of reasons including it's versatility, ability to last all day, and it's price. It's totally affordable. AND on rushed days it's a must to even out my blotchy face that has been haphazardly scrubbed with a baby wipe. Get it here from my lovely friend and Mary Kay Consultant, Leah. 

4. Botanics Lighter Than Air Loose Powder 

So this was given to me by my sister-in-law who didn't really need a translucent powder. Did I mention my skin is super blotchy without a shower? 'cause it's super blotchy if I don't shower. This powder can go over the top of my foundation without effecting the color (I'm not a huge fan of tinted powders, why bother matching another tint?). I can just splash this on and suddenly I look like I've been up for hours and had three cups of super dark coffee. What's even better? You can get it at Target.

5. Hikari cream pigment in Mink 

I've found it's super helpful to have a go to eye color that looks great on it's own without having to worry about highlights and lowlights and crease colors. Also, the cream pigment just goes on soooo smoothly that I can dab it own with my finger tip in the car if need be. Mink creates a simple lightening effect to my eyes (needed!) but is complex enough to be worn alone. It's a must! Get it here. 

6. Jelly Pong Pong Fairy Lashes Curl mascaraThis is my running-late-one-handed-in-the-car-can't-go-wrong mascara. It seriously glides on like a dream and is oh-so-gorgeous without having to curl and prime my lashes. Get it here.

7. Milani Eye Tech Extreme liquid eye liner

I know, I know. Who wants to use an liquid eye liner when you've probably a) slept in or b) have a cranky baby on the hip. Trust me, I know. But if there is one area in which you should pour a little more effort into it's your eye liner. Liquid eye liner just gives you a bold, I'm-totally-awake, look that you just can't fake with a cream liner.  Find this one here or at Target. 

8. Meet Matt(e) Hughes Long Lasting liquid lipstick by TheBalm Cosmetics in Committed

I'm kinda in love with matte lipstick. It goes on easy with zero fuss and look great for hours because there's no gloss to maintain. Meet Matt(e) Hughes' liquid lipstick is sooooo easy on those rushed days.  I have the sample size and it's lasted forever so I can only imagine that the full size is worth the $17 price tag. Find it here.

Josh and Brittany Are Different: A Mostly True Tale

Once upon a time there was an extremely attractive and vivacious married couple named Josh and Brittany. They had an eight-month-old son named Tiny Baby, who was very advanced and clever. Josh and Brittany are very different. 

One day Josh and Brittany experience a lot of stress because being an adult is hard and neither of them really want to be one. This is because they are both the youngest child in their families. This results in a lot of arguments about who has to get out of bed to turn off the light. King Baby, being the first born, knows this task will eventually fall to him as soon as he learns to walk and yield a broom handle. He has accepted this eventuality. 

Brittany and Josh handle stress differently. They are very stressed but are having friends over for dinner. Josh tells Brittany that they should keep dinner simple and just enjoy their friends. He suggests spaghetti for dinner. Brittany agrees and rejoices at the wisdom of Josh. Josh is happy. Brittany is happy. King Baby is happy. 

Brittany and King Baby go to the grocery store to buy things to make spaghetti. She is happy.  is happy. Brittany arrives on the pasta aisle and is displeased at the selection. She is really displeased at the stress currently in her life. She directs this emotion at the spaghetti and it's lack of creativity. Tiny Baby feels the first stirrings of unease in his soul. He is very advanced.  Brittany decides that her culinary skills demand a greater challenge than spaghetti. She moves on. Tiny Baby rolls his eyes. Again, he is very advanced. 

Brittany leaves the grocery store pleased. She has decided to make Indian food complete with homemade naan. Tiny Baby feels trepidation as he goes down for his nap. Tiny Baby has dreams about the day of his birth due to the sounds of strain coming from the kitchen. He is troubled. 

Josh comes home thinking that all is well and that his wife is making spaghetti. He opens the door and frowns to find the living room still cluttered with Brittany's organizational project that she started earlier in the week. He walks into the kitchen and sees Tiny Baby covered in flour. Brittany is kneading bread in a fit of manic domestic bliss. 

Josh is irritated that Brittany wants him to clean up while she cooks. Brittany is irritated that Josh is not laying prostrate in awe of her culinary mastery. They fight. Tiny Baby is still covered in flour but has found a bag of strawberry flavored yogurt melts and is pleased.  Brittany cries. Josh is overwhelmed. They say sorry, kiss, and eat something vaguely resembling naan that is somehow both burnt and doughy. They then shove everything in the baby's room and welcome their unsuspecting friends into their messy home. 

Afterwards, they argue about who has to do the dishes. Josh looses because he's closer. 

The End.

How to Piss Off Your Teething Baby in 5 Easy Steps

1. Take longer than 2 seconds from baby's first cry to you stumbling half-asleep to his aid. 

2. Then have the AUDACITY to change his diaper. 

3. Somehow offend further by trying to make a bottle one handed while baby screams in your face and a small, slobbery fist beats against your chest. But only one fist because you're currently transitioning out of swaddling and you're stuck in the one-arm-out stage. 

4. Outrage your child by flinching away when the baby bites your cheek with his newly cut, and surprisingly sharp teeth. Bonus points if you try to stop making the bottle to wipe away spit (or blood??). 

5. When baby falls back to sleep in your arms while feeding have the absolutely insane idea that you might be able to lay baby back in his crib. When he wakes, feel his wrath which he is channeling from a thousand Nordic gods. 

Repeat until teeth have been fully cut.