Ipsy Glam Bag Review

Hey Guys! Here's my first ever, totally low-quality, video review of the Ipsy Glam Bag. Please excuse my light falling over mid-way. In retrospect, I shouldn't have balanced it on my make-up brushes.....Somewhere Husband Josh just died a little bit (he's a videographer).  I'm totally posting this before Husband Josh can come home and start lecturing me about the RULE OF THIRDS or something like that. Enjoy!

Here's the link to get you're very own Ipsy Glam Bag every month! 

P.S. I'm totally unaffiliated with them. Just a fan. 

Security!

So, somone suggested I remove my son's name from this site to protect his identity from my readers. At first I was all, "I'm pretty sure my mom knows his name." But, upon having a few HUNDRED people read my last blog post I'm going to do it. It kinda freaked me out knowing that many people read my blog. Also, spellcheck. It's happening and it's gonna be big. 

So, if you see some posts have been edited that's why. Also, I'm going to still refer to Husband Josh as Husband Josh because he's an adult. My son will now be referred to as Tiny Dictator, or Baby Bear from here on out. 

That's all! Happy Wednesday!!

8 Products to Hide Behind When You Can't Shower

I've learned a lot in the last year, which I lovingly refer to as my debut into motherhood. I've learned that it's okay for my child to express emotion other than joy. I've learned that baby puke can be rubbed into almost any fabric. And I've learned how long I can go without a shower before I can no longer leave my house.

It's a sad fact that all mom's know well; you're ability to bathe is entirely dependent on the whim of your baby or the availability of another functioning adult. I can't count the number of times I was depending on a 5 minute shower during that ever fickle morning nap only to be disappointed.  But disappointment doesn't mean you can miss that doctor's appointment or laddies lunch so I've learned to adapt with the help of these ten tried and true beauty products. So here they are! My not so dirty little secrets. 

8 Products to Hide Behind When You Can't Shower

 1. Baby wipes

I'm not ever kidding. These are great for freshening up while the little one is attached to your thigh and demanding more goldfish crackers. I mean, you use them to quickly clean your kid all day, everyday so why no extend the favor to yourself.  Get them, well, anywhere. 

2. Bed Head Rockaholic Dirty Little Secret Dry Shampoo

This brand is the BEST dry shampoo I have tried. I have pretty sensitive skin and often the powders and fragrances in dry shampoos irritate me all day. But not with this bad boy! My bottle is currently empty and I'm in serious need. You can find this brand for the best price here. It's worth every penny. 

3. Mary Kay Timewise Matte-Wear liquid foundation

This is my all-time favorite liquid foundation for a number of reasons including it's versatility, ability to last all day, and it's price. It's totally affordable. AND on rushed days it's a must to even out my blotchy face that has been haphazardly scrubbed with a baby wipe. Get it here from my lovely friend and Mary Kay Consultant, Leah. 

4. Botanics Lighter Than Air Loose Powder 

So this was given to me by my sister-in-law who didn't really need a translucent powder. Did I mention my skin is super blotchy without a shower? 'cause it's super blotchy if I don't shower. This powder can go over the top of my foundation without effecting the color (I'm not a huge fan of tinted powders, why bother matching another tint?). I can just splash this on and suddenly I look like I've been up for hours and had three cups of super dark coffee. What's even better? You can get it at Target.

5. Hikari cream pigment in Mink 

I've found it's super helpful to have a go to eye color that looks great on it's own without having to worry about highlights and lowlights and crease colors. Also, the cream pigment just goes on soooo smoothly that I can dab it own with my finger tip in the car if need be. Mink creates a simple lightening effect to my eyes (needed!) but is complex enough to be worn alone. It's a must! Get it here. 

6. Jelly Pong Pong Fairy Lashes Curl mascaraThis is my running-late-one-handed-in-the-car-can't-go-wrong mascara. It seriously glides on like a dream and is oh-so-gorgeous without having to curl and prime my lashes. Get it here.

7. Milani Eye Tech Extreme liquid eye liner

I know, I know. Who wants to use an liquid eye liner when you've probably a) slept in or b) have a cranky baby on the hip. Trust me, I know. But if there is one area in which you should pour a little more effort into it's your eye liner. Liquid eye liner just gives you a bold, I'm-totally-awake, look that you just can't fake with a cream liner.  Find this one here or at Target. 

8. Meet Matt(e) Hughes Long Lasting liquid lipstick by TheBalm Cosmetics in Committed

I'm kinda in love with matte lipstick. It goes on easy with zero fuss and look great for hours because there's no gloss to maintain. Meet Matt(e) Hughes' liquid lipstick is sooooo easy on those rushed days.  I have the sample size and it's lasted forever so I can only imagine that the full size is worth the $17 price tag. Find it here.

Josh and Brittany Are Different: A Mostly True Tale

Once upon a time there was an extremely attractive and vivacious married couple named Josh and Brittany. They had an eight-month-old son named Tiny Baby, who was very advanced and clever. Josh and Brittany are very different. 

One day Josh and Brittany experience a lot of stress because being an adult is hard and neither of them really want to be one. This is because they are both the youngest child in their families. This results in a lot of arguments about who has to get out of bed to turn off the light. King Baby, being the first born, knows this task will eventually fall to him as soon as he learns to walk and yield a broom handle. He has accepted this eventuality. 

Brittany and Josh handle stress differently. They are very stressed but are having friends over for dinner. Josh tells Brittany that they should keep dinner simple and just enjoy their friends. He suggests spaghetti for dinner. Brittany agrees and rejoices at the wisdom of Josh. Josh is happy. Brittany is happy. King Baby is happy. 

Brittany and King Baby go to the grocery store to buy things to make spaghetti. She is happy.  is happy. Brittany arrives on the pasta aisle and is displeased at the selection. She is really displeased at the stress currently in her life. She directs this emotion at the spaghetti and it's lack of creativity. Tiny Baby feels the first stirrings of unease in his soul. He is very advanced.  Brittany decides that her culinary skills demand a greater challenge than spaghetti. She moves on. Tiny Baby rolls his eyes. Again, he is very advanced. 

Brittany leaves the grocery store pleased. She has decided to make Indian food complete with homemade naan. Tiny Baby feels trepidation as he goes down for his nap. Tiny Baby has dreams about the day of his birth due to the sounds of strain coming from the kitchen. He is troubled. 

Josh comes home thinking that all is well and that his wife is making spaghetti. He opens the door and frowns to find the living room still cluttered with Brittany's organizational project that she started earlier in the week. He walks into the kitchen and sees Tiny Baby covered in flour. Brittany is kneading bread in a fit of manic domestic bliss. 

Josh is irritated that Brittany wants him to clean up while she cooks. Brittany is irritated that Josh is not laying prostrate in awe of her culinary mastery. They fight. Tiny Baby is still covered in flour but has found a bag of strawberry flavored yogurt melts and is pleased.  Brittany cries. Josh is overwhelmed. They say sorry, kiss, and eat something vaguely resembling naan that is somehow both burnt and doughy. They then shove everything in the baby's room and welcome their unsuspecting friends into their messy home. 

Afterwards, they argue about who has to do the dishes. Josh looses because he's closer. 

The End.

How to Piss Off Your Teething Baby in 5 Easy Steps

1. Take longer than 2 seconds from baby's first cry to you stumbling half-asleep to his aid. 

2. Then have the AUDACITY to change his diaper. 

3. Somehow offend further by trying to make a bottle one handed while baby screams in your face and a small, slobbery fist beats against your chest. But only one fist because you're currently transitioning out of swaddling and you're stuck in the one-arm-out stage. 

4. Outrage your child by flinching away when the baby bites your cheek with his newly cut, and surprisingly sharp teeth. Bonus points if you try to stop making the bottle to wipe away spit (or blood??). 

5. When baby falls back to sleep in your arms while feeding have the absolutely insane idea that you might be able to lay baby back in his crib. When he wakes, feel his wrath which he is channeling from a thousand Nordic gods. 

Repeat until teeth have been fully cut. 

What Post-Partum Anxiety Really Looks Like

Do you wanna know? Do you really want to know? Cause it's not pretty. It's probably the most un-pretty, terrifying and humbling thing that's ever happened to me (and yes, I'm counting childbirth and 8 months of vaginal physical therapy- but hat's a story for another day. Don't ask. Or do. Whatever.)

It looks like this:

Your husband calling into work because your skin feels like it's burning off and you can't calm down even to hold your child.

It looks like your mom coming up to take you to the doctor because you can't calm down no matter how hard you try.

It looks like medication.

It looks like having to go home with your parents because you just can't handle what's happening to you.

It looks like them setting up a crib in their bedroom for your little one.

It looks out of control.

It looks like a third sleepless night in a row.

It looks like your dad rubbing your feet and your mom dousing you in lavender oil.

It looks like your parents laying in bed with their adult daughter as she sobs uncontrollably and exchanging worried looks that they think she can't see. She can.

It looks like a 3am ER trip with your dad for shots in both butt-checks because you haven't slept in nearly 72 hours.

It looks like panic attacks every. single. day. Multiple times a day.

It looks like more medication.

It looks like parents, grandparents and friends coming to take care of you.

It looks like guilt and shame that you can't take care of your baby.

It looks like defeat.

It looks like your mom making a battle plan with you each day.

It looks like your mom sleeping on the couch because you just can't quite do it alone yet.

It looks like EVEN more medication.

It looks like flowers, chocolates, and shopping with a friend.

It looks like tips from your sister who totally gets it.

It looks like friends who keep checking in and are praying.

It looks like your husband putting the baby to bed because your anxiety has somehow wrapped it's self around your child's ability to go to sleep.

It looks like loving your baby the best way you can.

It looks like your grandpa buying you a mood ring smily face to remind you that he loves you.

It looks like trips to Ikea with your father-in-law to buy furniture.

It looks like more medication, a psychiatrist referral and a counseling appointment.

It looks like still freezing up when your baby cries or someone asks you a question that you just can't wrap your mind around.

It looks like a friend driving your car because of the medication you're on.

It looks like your grandma watching the baby while you make her a tie-dyed cake.

It looks like your grandpa driving you out for ice-cream in his 1950's classic car.

It looks like sweet notes from your sister-in-law.

It looks like trusting God that it will all get better.

It looks like it's a little better every day.

It mostly looks like love, acceptance and grace.

Thank you, thank you, thank you, to every single one of you who have been here for Josh and I during the last few weeks. It has been amazing that I can feel so awful and so loved at the same time.

A Decade

Josh and I in high school, looking classy 2009ish

Today is the ten year anniversary of Josh and I dating. That's a decade. That's 40% of my life in total. Which is weird to think about. We started dating at 14 and 15 respectively (I'm a year older) which I guess makes us high school sweethearts.

My senior year, circa 2008

I really don't like that phrase, "high school sweethearts", because it seems to be used synonymously with "married young" and "doomed".  And though we did marry young (20 and 21 respectively) I reject the stereotype that this means we're doomed. But I understand the kernel of truth this stereotype starts from. It's just people don't stay the same, especially 14-year-olds. I really doubt anyone would contest that idea. Adults are drastically different than they were as teenagers. I would even go so far as to say that the decade spanning 14 to 24 encompasses some of the most striking changes a person goes through in life.

Josh and I during our engagement photo session, 2010ish

So I suppose it's not so hard to imagine why a relationship built in the 9th grade would fall apart shortly after graduation.

But mine didn't. It came pretty close sometimes but we made it work. And I'm so so so glad we did but I'll be honest, I don't love my husband for things that attracted me to him in the 9th grade because those things aren't attractive to me anymore. Most of the reasons I was drawn to him where pretty shallow anyway (Have you seen how big and brown his eyes are??). When we met I was enamored with his bubbling energy, ability to command a crowd and teasingly playful attitude. He was often the center of our group of friends. Some of these traits have survived the years but, while I enjoy them, I can't say that I call those things the glue that binds.

But I do find him attractive.

Our wedding day, circa 2011

Because, just as he has changed, my tastes have changed as well. And I decided when we got married and for several years before that, that I wouldn't allow my eyes to wonder. I refused to compare him to another man. I find grown-up Josh attractive, in part, because I wouldn't let myself pay attention to anyone else. And because, well, he's awesome! My tastes my have changed but they are still satisfied by him. But that didn't happen by accident. It took work and force of mind.

But that's not to say that I'm not also just totally enamored with him.

Expecting Tiny Baby

If the past ten years had suddenly been erased and I met Josh for the first time this year, would he stand out to me? Would I be drawn to him like I was in high school? Yes. I really would be. I would see his quite strength, his kindness and compassionate notice of the overlooked person. I would see that he didn't need to be the center of my group of friend for him to keep me focused on him. I would notice that his laugh consumes his whole body and is so contagious. I would see a man of strong faith who would not let his wife or family stray from God's path. Not to mention the whole 6ft of tall, dark and handsome that is my husband. And yes, those big brown eyes still slay me.

Josh doing a bible study on our honeymoon

I read somewhere that it's normal for couples to hit a low point every 7-10 years where they look at their spouse and realize they don't connect as well anymore. We hit that. We found new wonderful things in each other to love. I can't wait to read this at 35-years-old and reflect on what I love about Josh at that moment. I guarantee it will be different with just the right amount of  sameness thrown in.  That's what makes this such an adventure.

Proverbs 30:18-19
There are three things that amaze me—
no, four things that I don’t understand:
how an eagle glides through the sky,
how a snake slithers on a rock,
how a ship navigates the ocean,
how a man loves a woman. (NLT)